who are you trying to fool, me/us or you? You don't need an advice board to learn how to say "no thank you" do you? That's all you have to say. You want to make this all about family drama and you contribute as much as possible while pretending to be above it. You're not, not a by any means but quit pretending. (That bit about the oh you hurt my feelings, what is THAT if not % drama?) You want everyone to attack your SIL and that didn't happen, did it? Because she's not the problem, you are. You can change you, not her. you say no thanks. If the rest of the family wants to let her run everything, then that's the family you have. You can only change yourself. Get over your hurt feelings and start your own gatherings. "No thank you. We cannot attend" beginning and end of it all, unless you want drama. Then knock yourself out.