I've also sat at the bed side of relatives suffering married naked women from Minot and deterorating on their way "out the door." I have to the idea that with pain meds, a person doesn't have to live in pain or suffer. That is absolutely contrary to what I've witnessed. Docs nurses do their best, family does their best, but pain meds can only do so much, and they do very little for the emotional suffering. My great-aunt, a fiercly independant woman, lived the last two months of her life in palliative care. I heard her say to my mother "I just want to die." I still tear up when I think about it. I remember thinking about all the I'd help put to sleep, how simple quick it is (compared to what she had to suffer), and how she's going to die anyway. If I had the means, I absolutely would have done it. It seemed senseless and cruel to force her to live in pain. Maybe part of this is that one of my own biggest fears is to live my last days in a state of pain and helplessness. I think part of how we feel about it has to do with our personal spirituality. If I thought that death was really the end, maybe I would feel differently. My mother I still talk about how angry we were at the time, not being allowed to help her to leave.