you wrote this: "Looking for advice from anyone who has Robards been successful in working with a spouse who has Hypoactive Sexual Disorder (HSDD)." if you weren't diagnosing her in this post, you sure fooled me. next, i say it again, sex every 10 days, 14 years into a marriage and with 3, is damn good. that frequency alone, is not an indicator of sexual disorder. have you tried talking to your wife? what aren't you telling us? what has changed in the last 8 years? has your wife experienced trauma? did you hurt her or do something that damaged your marriage years ago? has she been evaluated mediy? you know this stuff, we do not and a couple's therapist does not. you obviously have internet access why aren't you looking up support groups and better therapists in your area? in the psychology forum of CL, there is a way to search for local therapists in your city. best of luck. and please refrain from diagnosing your wife, if not a medical professional. it is not really respectful or appropriate, and more importantly it isn't helping anything. People (him) who blame the victim (you) are narcissists, abusive, and generally irredeemable. I'm sorry you subjected yourself to his behavior for so. I am glad to know you had the sense not to or move in with this unstable, violent, broken person. I would suggest you enter some kind of therapy, or find a local chapter of Al-Anon to support you through this breakup. The under the addict is a classic strategy to keep people tied to the side of someone them. Hearing other people share stories of being manipulated and in the same way can be enlightening, and help give new perspective to your relationship. You have to be stronger for yourself and for your than you have been up till now. THIS NEVER GET BETTER. HE IS CRUEL AND WARPED AND BROKEN. YOU NEED TO END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL When he finds out that his being sweet in the short-term isn't working this time, he become increasingly confrontational and violent. don't hesitate to contact the authorities if he threatens you or your in any way. Good luck. Be strong.