A happy marriage and A lot of people are too messed up to make that happen. But Naughty wife wants sex tonight Waynesboro you are not. Despite that tragic event, you created a fulfilling life and have much to be have much to be proud of. I don't doubt the emotions the event are confusing. They are what they are; and you have to make peace with loving the, wishing he'd gotten help, and loathing his desperate acts the pain they caused. I know it's not easy. But you mention shame: nah, jettison shame. No rational person feels anything but compassion for the fourteen-year-old whose life exploded. She was a victim. One's heart hurts for her. The gut response of any rational adult is to want to protect her, to very much want her to be okay. And you are! Had you wanted, you could've acted out the pain confusion, turned to -/alcohol, become an embittered problem person. Instead, you kept your tender heart, married a supportive, had great are doing quite well. Of course, there are cruel irrational people. But there are also a whole lot of rational people who have been rooting for you along. You have every reason to replace shame with pride in your resilience fundamental sanity. While it’s right and natural to grieve the loss of your father, you are not him. You’re not responsible for the good things he did or the bad. Look at Kaczynski: he is greatly admired for the way he handled his familial tragedy. No shame whatsoever attaches to him for loving his brother (the unabomber) or being related to him. As for reaching out: familial tragedy is always a difficult subject. It makes people uncomfortable because they don't know what to say fear saying the wrong thing. So, you need an inner circle one or two friends or relatives you can turn to when you need to discuss this subject. I, personally, wouldn't discuss it with all my friends, only a select few. I’d also shield myself from news stories that remind me of the past. You’ve been through enough. No need to poke at the wound. You owe it to yourself, your husband to protect your sanity let the past recede. Because the truth is there really is SO much more to life, so much in the present. Nothing's more fun than Christmas with toddlers. Your life, your, your marriage, your are in the present: stay with them.