Look, I get that you're up against a wall but don't act like you have no alternatives here. You have lots of them. I you bitching about life but doesn't that kind of beg the question what are you doing about YOUR life? What have you done to make 'dealing with it' manageable? Have you thought about a time frame you are willing to continue placing energy into the marriage? There's LOTS of questions you aren't answering about how you are approaching this but just keep doing the same and obviously broken shit? That's already proven to be a shitty choice hasn't it. So why are you making the choice to keep the status quo?