but I think we all have the right to say to someone who is supposedly our "lover", "No, I don't want to do that,it makes me feel pain/-/ degraded/dirty/very uncomfortable." If the "lover" refuses to consider the other's discomfort,that, to me, is not, it is sheer selfishness. "Oh, if you loved me enough, you'd LET me whip/anally penetrate/piss on/you", I suppose is YOUR attitude, eh? Seems to me that where harm is intended,that isn't really, how CAN it be? Isn't supposed to be wanting the best and highest for the beloved, to try to create happiness for THEM, to make THEM wish they were a better person, because of you? Go peddle your papers,I don't pretend to understand your attitude!