note that I said it seemed reasonable that the birthday boy picks 1-2 of the main party activities. Maybe he wants to go bowling, or wants Naughty want real sex old women for sex to watch a certain movie. Maybe he wants one of the main events to be a video game he enjoys with his friends. Perfectly reasonable. But I think there's a difference between letting him get MORE of a say, and the step-mom foisting her frustrations onto (the step-brothers) when the true issue is between her and her husband. I feel sorry for ALL the involved in this messed up family, the bio sons and the step-sons alike. Both are being treated unfairly (in one way or another) by their step-parent. I have two issues with your analogy. First, I think it would be more fitting to compare this to a typical family event like Thanksgiving or Christmas. We choose our friends but don't choose our family and even when certain relatives might not have chosen to be friends had they not been related, they still put on a nice face for the sake of the event. My second issue is that it's a poor lesson for anyone, birthday boy, of the family, whoever, to be taught that they should dictate to a large group of people that they do what THEY want with no input or consideration for the of others. That's a bad lesson when step-dad is teaching it to his sons, and a bad lesson now when the mom is teaching it. It's inherently selfish and while, yes, the birthday boy should get to pick a few favorite activities, I think it was rude and childish for the OP to single out her step-sons the way that she did. If she not be delivering the same message to the other who are invited (which I doubt she because it would come across as incredibly rude), then it was unfair to issue such a hostile message to her step-sons. Better that she and her husband get on the same and intervene if/when a problem arises rather than her taking out her frustration with the husband on an innocent 10-year old kid.